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Spreading
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The
Happiness Formula Newsletter June
7th, 2005
By
helping others become happier, you create a happier operating environment. I
don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be around happy people. And
if you’re not having much luck changing the outside, you can change it from
the inside by collecting “states.” Not You definitely can
create a happier world for yourself by helping the people around you learn
happiness skills. Please help them by forwarding this newsletter to your
beloved family, friends, and co-workers. I
welcome your comments and feedback on every newsletter. Please write me. Be
well and be happy, Julian
Kalmar jkalmar@thehappinessformula.com Contents > Article – The Happy Hungarian Watchmaker – Part 2 – Facing The Unknown > Article
– On Collecting States > Happiness Videos – 100 of them are ready for download at no charge!
The Happy
Hungarian Watchmaker – Part 2 “Facing The Unknown” Copyright 2005 by Julian
Kalmar. All rights reserved. Over the years, I’d seen the old Hungarian master
craftsman fix just about every type of watch and clock imaginable. But I was
always amazed at his uncanny ability to put the mechanisms back together. So one day I
said to him, “You know, for years I've watched you repair watches and
clocks. Carefully you'd take them apart, clean them, and finally put them back
together. How do you know where all the pieces go?” Without
hesitation, and with a wry smile, he said, "I don't always!" For a moment I
was struck dumb, and then filled with roaring laughter. He was kidding, or so
I thought. After we’d
finished laughing, he said, "Whenever you do something you've never
done before, don't panic. You can do it. Look at it very carefully. Make
notes. Draw pictures. Take it apart slowly. Take your time. Carefully watch
how things go together." Not knowing how to
do something can threaten self-esteem, confidence, and credibility. The
master’s technique converts these threats into opportunities. Admitting you
don’t know (but that you’ll find out), demonstrates intelligence and
credibility. You’ll also avoid the needless stress of pretending you know
what you really don’t, so you’ll focus better on solving the problem. Using every
available tool, including time, and other people’s know-how, you’ll work
things out and learn a lot doing it. Unknowns will
become a source of gratifying intellectual challenge. Your ego will shrink,
and you’ll be proud of your new skills. You’ll develop genuine confidence and
self-esteem. More
happiness actions like—facing the unknown—can be found in
Article – On Collecting States Guest Author Rabbi Zelig Pliskin. Copyright 2000 by Zelig
Pliskin. Reprinted with kind permission. All rights reserved. This
article, by noted author and happiness expert Rabbi Zelig
Pliskin, shows a powerful method to instantly
improve your happiness. He describes the concept of “states,” and how to use
them. In a nutshell, you give names to the experiences of your life that made
you feel good, and then recall those states when you’re feeling down. –Julian
Kalmar Eighteen years ago I read Frogs Into Princes, and gained immensely from the concept of states and anchors. Since then I have written about states and I have taught state mastery. When one reflects on what it actually means to be the master of your state, it is apparent that this is one of the most valuable skills that we humans can have.
Most problems in life stem from unresourceful states: stress, anger, depression, anxiety, fear, worry, being blocked or stuck, and the list goes on and on. Many other problems stem from unhealthy, illegal, or otherwise counterproductive ways of trying to escape from the clutches of unresourceful states or attaining enjoyable and pleasurable states. Addictions of all types fall into this: overeating, overdrinking, drugs, gambling, putting other people down, griping and kvetching. Over the last seventeen and a half years I have gathered a collection of about 130 to 150 of my favorite states. But recently I have looked at collecting states as a hobby. The number of states on my computerized list has grown by leaps and bounds. Each state is like a precious object in a rare collection. This has made a major impact in my life and in the lives of those I have influenced to keep their own list. My original list consisted only of resourceful states. Many were generic terms such as: joy state, self-mastery state, serenity state, courage state, confidence state, empowerment state, creativity state, assertive state, and centered state. By acting as if you were in any of these states, by remembering past moments when you were in these states, by imagining what it would be like in the future to be in these states, and by modeling those who were the personification of these states, you access them. Some people found this relatively easy to do. But many more didn't keep it up on their own. When a coach was there, the coach motivated them to take effective steps. But afterwards they let it slide. I would like to share with readers the process I now use to help people help themselves to gain greater state awareness and expertise in accessing the states that will enhance their lives. In my forthcoming book I have a section on how to collect a personal library and archive of states. I have found it effective to help people begin to collect two lists of their personalized states. One list contains resourceful states and the other list contains unresourceful states. Both lists are kept in alphabetical order. Every time you are in an especially resourceful state, give it a unique name. Let this label remind you of the specific occurrence or incident. It could be states named after songs that inspired and moved you. States can be named after your role models for [a] specific state: great speakers and communicators, the most serene people you've ever met, those with indomitable courage and nerves of steel. They can also be the names of peaceful lakes, calming gardens, exciting games, thrilling victories. If you find yourself having courage in the presence of a specific individual, name the state after him or her. If you have a teacher, mentor, or coach in whose presence you feel great about yourself and think and act at your peak, name the state after them. Keep adding to your resourceful state list all the time. This makes you more aware of moments of appreciation and gratitude, moments of strength, moments of transcending limitations, moments of victories of all types. You will find yourself remembering past incidents of resourceful moments. Give those moments labels. Go all the way back to early childhood to recall your most positive memories. Some people specialize in remembering their worst memories. This is great for those who want to build up their list of unresourceful states. This is even better for those who want to add resourceful states in the present to those ancient memories. By doing so, in the future when you recall those memories they will be upgraded as resources and assets instead of liabilities. I have found that it's highly useful to keep a list of unresourceful states. This will reframe those states into entities that empower their owner. Probably more people use the word "mood" than "state." Hopefully the statistics will change and eventually more and more people will be speaking of their "states" instead of the limiting consciousness of "bad moods." You might hear people who speak in terms of "moods" saying things like, "I am in a bad mood today." Or, "I can't help it, I'm just not in the mood." Those who talk this way often feel helpless about taking proactive steps to change their "moods." When one uses the word "state" for unresourceful moments, however, this can easily serve as an anchor to search one's resourceful state list. At first one might do this with a written list. In a short time one's brain will do this automatically. Not too long ago, I took a few of my grandchildren to the zoo. The older children enjoyed seeing all the animals. And for their grandfather the entire trip was a "Taking my grandchildren to the zoo state." I added a, "Penguins swimming state," and "Seeing monkeys swinging from tree to tree state." Imagining oneself as a penguin or monkey creates the state. A three year old, however, kept repeating the mantra, "I want to see the zebras." This was a strategy that enabled her to focus only on what she wanted to see in the future, while avoiding enjoying the present moments. I have now added a[n] "I want to see the zebras state," in my unresourceful list. I have shared the metaphor with some adults who could use the underlying message. For many people who are new to the concept of "states" what enables them to internalize the value of states is when they come up with their own personalized states. This gives them a, "Now I've really got it state." Some of my favorite states are: >
When waking up, I
access the state, "I am grateful for being given another day of life
state." >
When something
drops from my hand and hits the floor, my brain access[es] the, "How wonderful that gravity is still
working state." >
When breathing,
"I appreciate each and every breath state." >
When hearing a
power drill, "The drill is making my favorite concepts go deeper and
deeper in my subconscious state." Some states that will make the biggest different in people's lives are: "Learning from every single person state." "Upgrading my brain with all states and resources in all contexts state." "Centered, focused, and flowing state." "Full of vital energy and fully alive state." "This moment is the first moment of the rest of my life state." "Transcending insults and negativity state." "Instant rapport state." "I feel good. I feel great!" state. (It helps when you snap your fingers as you chant this.) "Winning billion dollar lottery state." (You don't need to actually win a lottery to access this state, just as worriers access an anxiety state even when their worries never happen.) Habitually read and reread your list of resourceful states. As you read the labels of those states, you will experience aspects of those states. Having them at the forefront of your consciousness makes it more likely that your brain will spontaneously access those states for you time and time again. I will finish this article with wishing our planet states of peace, healing, joy, kindness, and compassion. Those who share this vision will be partners in making this an eventual reality. Rabbi Pliskin is
the author of twenty books. His last 12 books are available from www.artscroll.com and include: "Happiness," "Kindness,"
“Thank You: Gratitude,” "Courage," and “Harmony with Others.”
Happiness
Shows!!! You
can now watch happiness videos right on your computer…for free! Courtesy
of George Ortega of The Happiness
Show, there are now over 100, half-hour happiness shows covering happiness
from many different angles. George either hosts the shows,
or co-hosts the shows with happiness
club founder Lionel Ketchian. You’ll
also find a ton of happiness methods, a collection of links to happiness
books and papers, happy songs, happiness quotations, 100 happiness
self-statements, and information on key happiness researchers. George
isn’t getting paid for building a better world. So why does he do it? If you
ask me, George is one of those rare dreamers who sees a problem with the
world and has quietly decided to fix it himself. George is one of the world’s unsung heroes. Please
visit George’s site and tell
your friends and co-workers about this valuable resource. (Feel free to
forward this entire newsletter.)
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received in error, please write to: abuse@thehappinessformula.com Home 8 Newsletters 8 Articles 8 Products 8 How I became a happiness trainer This newsletter contains the opinions of the author and is
not intended as professional advice of
any kind. You may freely distribute this newsletter, but it may not be sold. Copyright 2005 by Julian Kalmar. All rights reserved
worldwide. To live, be happy. To be happy, live. |
